Transformallica
by Penniwhistle
Summary: Co-written by Hezzabelle and Gardy. Welcome to the Mineral Room.


Starscream gazed into the Abyss, cackling madly. His plan had worked! Now there was but one obstacle left - heavy metal.

James fent a tingling sensation in his lower body, as if something was wrong.. as if the gates of hell were opening. AGAIN. He raise his fist into the air, yelling "I MUST HAVE LEFT THE OVEN ON!" Declaring his St. Anger to the sky! Stomping to the kitchen, he bitchslapped the tempurature back down again, annoyed his heartstrings had been pulled again. Meanwhile, in the mineral room, Kirk was busy at work.  
"Oh I do love my minerals.. Especially you.. Sweet amber."  
Lars was being a little bitch as usual, he decided to make James more by adding more Fuel to the gas oven, but he happened to notice Bumble Bee looking through the Dirty Window. Grimlock the Dinobot was asleep in the pool. He considered getting a job briefly, but then he remembered that he was only an eel.

Kirk eventually left the Mineral room and went towards the kitchen to see James, He grabbed a bottle hoping that there was whiskey in the jar-o. he was full of an unnamed feeling. "If someone goes to the shop to buy me some Whiskey in the jar-oI will give them a Mercyful Fate!" Kirk yelled.  
"Aint my Bitch!" James yelled back.  
"Don't worry! I will go to the shops and you will Welcome me home (Sanitarium)" Added BumbleBee as he busted open the Dirty Window.

Grimlock got upset, because he was not included in the fun and games taking place just outside of the most important of rooms in a house, the Mineral room. So he decided to call his good friend Hot Rod and see if they'd negotiated the contract of the 4th Transformer film yet. James and Kirk were hungry, they decided to check the freezer for some chips, oh no! they were trapped under ice. Suddenly a loud explosion was heard, the house began to collapse for no reason! "NO" Shouted James "THIS WAS THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT."

Meanwhile, Bumble had made it to Better Than You-Mart where Optimus Prime was behind the counter. "Can I help you Sir?" Optimus Prime asked.  
"Yes, I am looking for some Whiskey in the Jar-o for my dear friend Kirk, do you have any?" Bumble Bee asked.  
"Infact I do, here, that is elventy seven dollars plz. K thanx" Optimus Prime stated as he took the Eleventy seven Dollars from Bumble Bee. Suddenly Enoby from the My Immortal fan fic walked i.

Starscream then decided now was the time to act, impaling the Acid Bath Queen of Darkness to the floor with a giant penis-shaped rod, made of celestial tungsten, that was for some reason also playing the 1812 Overture.

Meanwhile back at the house, Robert was clearing out the wreckage. "JIMMY?!. KIRKY?!" There was no response. Robert ran to the Mineral rooms remains and began to lament. suddently a sound from behind him it was Enoby the Acid Queen of Darkness, reincarnated.  
"Dumbleydore had a headache, thats why he swore okay?! I wont write again until I have 5 go revoiws!" She screamed as Robert cowered with fear, suddenly a B.F sword appeared in his hands as the gates of hell opened around him.  
"...and justice for all" He stated as he wildly swung the B.F sword at the hideous looking Banshee Enoby.

Urgot's lines had gotten a lot more sophisicated after his absorbed Varus' essence - he was smoking a pipe, and was wearing a top hat. He was obviously peeved that he would not be reclining in the Mineral Room later that day. From the wreckage, a voice screamed:  
"DARKNESS, IMPRISONING ME, ALL THAT I SEE, ABSOLUTE HORROR, RUH-UH-UH, RUH-RUH-UH-UH, I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS."  
From the wreckage rose James and Kirk, holding their righteous instruments in their hands, playing a most epic tune.  
"BACK FOUL DEMON YOU DO NOT BELONG ON THIS ASTRAL PLANE"  
Robert turned towards James and Kirk his B.F sword Transformed into his trusty bass Skrillmcgrill destroyer of all  
and they rocked, Oh children they did rock.

they rocked the fuck out.

"I am the Harvester of Sorrow! The Hero of the Day! I am Iron Man!" Kirk yelled with gusto. The others looked at him. "You are not Iron Man." James stated. "I was referencing one of our songs, duh." Kirk retorted. Suddenly Bumble Bee returned with Whiskey in the Jar-o and his possy Cliffjumper, Prowl, Jazz, Rachet and Sideswipe. Suddenly they turned into magical instruments. Unfortunatley Sideswipe turned into a Drum kit above Lars Ulrch and fell onto his body with a loud oaf.

The loud oaf was Guts. "This isn't the right fanfic," he puzzled briefly, before heading back on his journey towards self-realisation, and BLOOD! GORE! BLOOD TITS GORE! GIANT ASS SWORD YOU SEE THIS DEMON?! NO YOU DON'T HE'S FUCKING DEAD RAAAAAWWWR RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRR!

Kirk, James, Robert and Lars huddled together to perform their final attack, Attack on ebony  
"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"  
As Enoby returned to the void, another creature appeared from the gates of hell. A creature so, hideous and creepy it could turn a man to ashes with one gaze. A choir began singing Sephiroth's entrance song 'One Wiged Angel' But it was not Sepiroth! It was the Dark Lord himself, Teemo.

"EIN FOLK!" He placed a Hitler Death Shroom underneath Kirk.  
"EIN REICH!" He summoned a fungus below James  
"EEEEEEEEEEEIN FUUUUUHRER!" A third landed on Lars, before all three detonated, removing all trace of non-Master life within miles. Robert Retaliated, Charging towards Teemo yelling  
"FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE RAT BASTARD" Skrillmcgrill transformed itself into a bloodthirster this time, He sliced the little rat in two and felt teemo's energy flow into him. Suddently the autobots came to join the battle.

Hearing Autobots swooping through the sky, the Decepticons joined the battle. Megatron landed with an earth shattering thud. Everything fell silent around him. The spirit of the dark lord laughed as he possessed Megatron. Was this the most powerful boss that Metalica and the gang have ever faced?

Yes.

It was.

Each brave warrior gained a mystical weapon, James gaining the Half Life 2 Gravity Gun, Robert gaining Frostmourne, Kirk gaining the Master sword and Lars Gaining Amy Rose's hammer. They charged into battle with their new weapons, with much haste and Vigour. "CAPTAIN TEEMO ON DUTY!" The possessed Megatron yelled as the warriors charged at him, he readied his death laser in response.

Fanfic writers gathered, watching the spectacle. Starscream struck them down one by one, but not before one blurted out that her vagoo would be smelly if she did not shave it. Mistress Moore descended from the heavens, simply stating that her vagoo was pre shaved. Mistress Moore struck down Megatron and the fan fic writers, she impaled their heads on spikes especially the ones of George and Gardy. "You can comtemplate your sexist jokes and jabs in the after life!" As she threw their impaled heads into the gates of hell.

"DIVEKICK!" Was all that was ever heard from Gardy as they flew through the portal. Roughly a third of a person missed them.

Lars remembered that he had to go and feature in Guitar Hero again, and left his weapon with Mistress Moore - someone much more competant anyways. The new Metallica line up readied their weapons. "Together we shall destroy the bad guys and win the day for the victory because we. Are Metal lcia!" And then they Rode off into the sunset. However the spirit of the dark lord remained. Will he return? Will Metal lcia vanguish him one more time? find out next time on Dragon ball Z!


End file.
